Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   I'm sorry Kanye, but you can't name your baby North West, then call yourself a "creative genius."

   Women I sleep with get so weird when I ask them to sign the guestbook.

   After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.

   Pro Tip: When having sex on the first date, ALWAYS say "I've never done this" so your partner knows you're a compulsive liar as well.

   I've watched Shrek every night this week and I still cannot find any clues as to how Donkey impregnated the dragon.

   I just keep telling myself you guys don't have sex either.

   Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.

   I only have two feelings, it's either "I'm hungry" or "I shouldn't have eaten this much"

   Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.

   Stevie Wonder's housekeepers probably don't do a damn thing all day long.

   Sometimes I use words I don't understand so I can sound more photosynthesis.

   If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.

   iOS 9 will be out by the time iOS 8 finishes downloading

   I am sorry I had feelings. I'll replace them with jokes right away.

   I can't tell if the vegetarians upstairs are having sex or are finally eating a steak.

   Make her feel like she's the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.

   It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.

   It's never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".

   twerking just shaking your ass? Why did we need a new word? Ass-shaking has served us well for centuries.

   They called it boxing because fisting was already taken.