eengrms Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon We need to celebrate an anti-mothers day to reward those kids who made it through high school without getting knocked up...
←Rate | 05-10-2015 14:25 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon This has to be the only "holiday" created by someone with a speech impediment...
←Rate | 05-04-2015 11:12 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really like compliments but I don't want anyone talking to me...
←Rate | 04-29-2015 13:42 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looking at how successful all the Kardashian women are, I don't blame Bruce Jenner at all...
←Rate | 03-31-2015 21:34 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, will Brian Williams still claim he chopped it down?
←Rate | 02-10-2015 18:23 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Winning the game using deflated balls? Is this the NFL or the Tour De France?
←Rate | 01-21-2015 13:17 by eengrms Comments (1)  


   messageicon Statistics say more than one third of marriages start online. The other two thirds will end online...
←Rate | 01-19-2015 20:47 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon So you'll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year... Your move Weight Watchers...
←Rate | 01-05-2015 22:22 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea's TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
←Rate | 12-23-2014 13:47 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Representatives from AOL say that no one from North Korea has dialed in to their service for almost 8 hours now...
←Rate | 12-22-2014 19:10 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's too bad North Korea couldn't have gotten the new Night at the Museum movie canceled instead...
←Rate | 12-18-2014 12:25 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really don't want to interact with other human beings today if I can help it...
←Rate | 12-15-2014 15:18 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon “It's not up for discussion,” is a thing I say to my wife when I’m absolutely certain I want to spend the next six hours discussing it...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 22:57 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dr. Huxtable was an OB/GYN with an office in his home basement. I mean, come on...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 22:30 by eengrms Comments (2)  


   messageicon By 2050, four out of every five Americans will be a Duggar...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 22:23 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is like wine. It gets better with age. Also it makes you say things you regret...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 21:52 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't ever say Obama wasn't the jobs president, look how many lawyers he is going to keep employed for the next two years...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 09:39 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they're like, "Thank you for choosing Domino's."
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:35 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon God only gives you what you can handle. Really? Because I'm pretty sure I could handle way more money...
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:33 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone tries to hand me a baby, I say, "No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian..."
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:33 by eengrms Comments (0)  




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