StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   If video games have taught me anything, it's that if you encounter enemies then you're going the right way.

   First woman on the Moon: "Houston, we have a problem." What? "Never mind" What's the problem? "Nothing" Please tell us? "You know what the problem is."

   170.6 Adam and Eve: The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

   China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.

   When someone chooses the stall next to me when plenty others are available I tap my foot 3 times and ask, "You got the stuff?".

   Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.

   Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor's coupons?

   Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That's what going back to an ex is like.

   Here's a joke about ebola, you probably won't get it though.

   n't it weird that after 30,000 years of eating bread, everyone is gluten allergic now?

   Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.

   It's getting harder and harder to tell Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife apart.

   The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.

   My daughter has just taken two black guys up to her bedroom to study together. From the sounds of it they're getting every revision question right.

   I always walk around with a megaphone. If Facebook breaks I need to be able to tell everyone that I've had dinner.

   You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night

   Why can't the ice cream man just get a fu*kin liquor license already

   Nothing says "I've already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.

   I saw this big guy in brand new Nikes running down the road with a huge TV in his arms. I thought briefly, "That looks like mine." Then I realized, mine wears adidas.

   Tell me more about this victum role you play due to the circumstances that you've created for yourself.