Eddy Funny Status Messages

   asked Alexa "why is my wife such a b!@#$" & Alexa replied "id rather not answer" ...these computers really are smart

   If I get addicted to eating cold turkey, idk how i'm going to quit

   the dentist says I need a crown. I'm like "I know, right? "

   before you know it, Amazon workers will be making Prime money

   look on the bright side...Bill Cosby is gonna get a lot of Jell-o

   I don't have any Emmys but I Have 2 Grammys ....they're both dead

   I already have a "fear" book...my old yearbook

   when a friend messages you a GIF image for your birthday, is that a birthday GIFt ?

   Where do I sign up for the Space Force? I've heard "not if you were the last guy on Earth" so space is still hopeful

   when 1 of my lenses fall out, I like to think of the glasses as half full

   what did the California politician say to the restaurant manager ? this is the last straw

   if prison is "behind bars" , why don't people cal l the warden the "bar tender" ?

   what do you call it when a mom orders combo #5? ...mombo number 5 (now you're singing it)

   if the "space force" ever drops a dirty bomb on Uranus, they better call it "operation taco bell"

   this new "space force" we're going to have....will basic training include making the kessel run in less than 12 parsecs

   Everyone is talking about the royal wedding but life isn't a game of thrones

   remember moms, if you smell burnt toast you're not having a stroke...its the kids trying to make breakfast

   giving the recent plane accident, I bet now Mitt Romney realizes why the plane windows stay closed

   a married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy

   "don't put all your eggs in one basket" .....good thing we use store bags