Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   A new day doesn't officially start until you take a shower.

   TIP FOR GUYS: If you have a girl coming over to watch a movie, make sure to pick a movie that's not worth watching. If you know what I mean!

   Officer, I promise this weed is prescription, it's for my pathological lying!!

   When you post pictures of yourself flaunting money, I am forced to think you're not used to having it.

   HIM: “You look like a Barbie!” HER: “Thanks. You mean tall, slim and beautiful right?” HIM: “Hell no! I mean plastic and without a brain.”

   Giving people the benefit of the doubt is usually just a polite way of temporarily overlooking their stupidity.

   Fellas: Let a woman wear the pants in a relationship. They are coming off later anyways!

   If steroids and other performance enhancing drugs are illegal for athletes, shouldn't Photoshop be illegal for models?

   Ladies: You texted him but he hasn't texted back? Don't be too quick to assume he is ignoring you, instead assume he was obviously so excited to get your text message that he fainted.

   Every business has its busy season. The gyms are now bracing for their two-week onslaught of door crashers.

   If I had $100 for everytime I read something funny on your Facebook page, I would still be broke.

   There's plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, i'm stuck here just holding my rod

   Don't do drugs; they can mess up your finances. You can save some money and get the same effect from just standing up really fast.

   A salesman hugs a girl. GIRL: What the hell is this? SALESMAN: It is direct marketing. GIRL: *slaps him* SALESMAN: What was that? GIRL: A customer's feedback!

   I've been told by several women that I'm a great listener. A majority of whom, have huge boobs.

   Dear old love: I used to fantasize about you dying so that I could be single again. I'm so glad I decided to leave you instead of waiting for you to die.

   Your lack of a Facebook Photo makes some wonder if you are shy, a wanted criminal or just intensely unattractive.

   To all guys who say they don't understand women: You don't have to understand how a TV works to enjoy watching it, do you?

   I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.

   Last time I checked, my name wasn't in the dictionary. Therefore, I can't be defined.