flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
←Rate | 09-13-2011 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
←Rate | 02-28-2012 10:19 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fax? You're sending me something via fax? What is it, an important document from 1993?
←Rate | 03-30-2012 09:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I was a cab driver I'd yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were a bathroom tile salesman, my pitch would be "Think of how great this will look in the background of your social networking pics."
←Rate | 11-12-2011 06:09 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people who need firecracker safety tips aren't the people who read firecracker safety tips.
←Rate | 07-03-2012 06:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon As far as I can tell, the only thing ghosts do is set up obstacle courses when I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee
←Rate | 07-07-2012 10:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't seem to find Funkytown on Google Maps.
←Rate | 05-18-2012 08:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Glad my work doesn't do drug tests cause everyone would find out I'm a loser who doesn't party
←Rate | 11-19-2011 09:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you're the type of neighbor that likes to scream and yell till 3am, then I'll be the type of neighbor to mow at 6am!
←Rate | 07-02-2011 08:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn't be telling you this"
←Rate | 11-19-2012 06:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought when people lie to me their pants were supposed to catch on fire. Turns out that's a lie also. Trust no one.
←Rate | 05-05-2012 05:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a special place in hell for murderers and the guy who decided what time breakfast ends at McDonalds.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 08:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon This world is not going to make any real progress until we stop perpetuating the belief that "paper" beats "rock."
←Rate | 04-09-2011 08:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
←Rate | 12-10-2013 05:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun thing to do #26: Stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
←Rate | 07-14-2015 22:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Go to the train station and make eye contact with someone as the train pulls away and then chase after it it while yelling "I LOVE YOU!"
←Rate | 03-06-2013 07:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a shame that people who start a sentence with, "I know it's none of my business," never leave it at that.
←Rate | 03-09-2013 08:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just won my 143rd straight dance off against that Walmart greeter.
←Rate | 01-12-2013 08:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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