StonerDudee Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate's face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.
←Rate | 10-20-2012 12:17 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wake up relatively happy every morning. Then I interact with other people and things change quickly.
←Rate | 07-14-2012 12:35 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the bright side, selfie sticks are also lightning rods.
←Rate | 06-18-2015 22:47 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a bald spot in my yard so I'm gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
←Rate | 07-07-2013 23:44 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate guys who are like "your dating my ex? Hope you like leftovers" like wtf, haven't you had cold pizza the next day? It's the best
←Rate | 01-10-2014 18:28 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like.
←Rate | 06-13-2012 22:04 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cell phone, I dont know why you keep capitalizing VODKA, But I like the way you party....
←Rate | 06-21-2012 17:34 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your drug dealer is always on time, he's a cop
←Rate | 09-27-2013 20:25 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter's school concert.
←Rate | 12-22-2014 10:17 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon After filling up my gas tank this morning before work, I realized that I didn't want to eat for the rest of the week anyway.
←Rate | 11-19-2012 23:56 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
←Rate | 08-19-2012 10:08 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
←Rate | 06-18-2012 16:10 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're reading this while camping out in front of Walmart. You're a douche bag.
←Rate | 11-21-2012 15:25 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to walmart in a few minutes....does this belt look OK with these sweat pants?
←Rate | 07-17-2012 22:07 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I'm the a$$hole for tripping him??
←Rate | 07-14-2012 12:31 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 12:11 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sleeping in could easily be my superpower. If not for my arch-nemesis, having to pee.
←Rate | 06-16-2012 12:37 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Mother's Day to the iPad that's raising your child...
←Rate | 05-10-2015 22:05 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am never more aware that I don't have boobs than when I'm paying for my own drink.
←Rate | 10-19-2012 10:09 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw some black kids spraypainting their names on a wall and decided to join in. I'd only done the first three letters of my name when they started beating the sh*t out of me. They obviously don't like people called Nigel.
←Rate | 03-30-2013 17:49 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  




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