Nunthewizr Funny Status Messages
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You know that one idiot that always flies by you when the roads are crappy? Am I the only one that secretly wishes they would go in the ditch or wreck their car?
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They’re gathering information by going through our trash. Learning. Plotting. Raccoons haven’t forgotten that we used to wear them as hats.
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Me: Wanna put on our capes and our undies over our pants and go stand on top of a building?
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It's a total mood killer when you go in the bathroom after your girlfriend and realize she forgot to flush!
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You may think I'm dumb but you over estimate me.
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Realized I’ve never seen gloves in someone’s glove compartment, and now nothing makes sense anymore
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Don't you hate it when you get that one idiot that pollutes your entire post?
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When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he's homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
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Men - Alcohol impairs your ability to make good decisions. We don't want you to lose that ability... we want her to.
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Let's say you were to date someone for a few months and then they told you that they were actually " married". Is that considered good news or bad news?
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Got an anxiety attack when I first heard DC was shutting down. Then I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized it wasn’t the comic books.
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The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
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How long are we gonna joke about the government shutting down and pretend like Skynet didn’t just go online?
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Wishing I was still in Grade School:( Miss taking naps in the middle of the day, snack time and recess. The part I miss the most is when you were bad, that hot middle aged Teacher spanked you with her wooden paddle.
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Ever wonder how that one single black hair got all the way up there on your shower wall?
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Fool me once, shame on me. Wait no, it’s shame on you. I think. Anyways, next time I’m gonna stab you.......... a lot.
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If you're the new guy at a Chinese restaurant are you considered the Lo Mein on the totem pole?
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snaxting a thing? Like texting each other pictures of your snacks? Because I kind of think I'd be good at that.
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I cant think of a single life situation that cannot be improved by wearing tear away pants.
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I love babies wearing sunglasses. They are like little tiny, blind jazz musicians.
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