Gripenfelter Funny Status Messages
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Understanding is what allows someone like me to tolerate someone like you.
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Did you hear the joke about the cure for COVID19? It's a riot.
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C'mon Lotto! I just want to be rich enough for Morgan Freeman to follow me around and narrate my life in real time.
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When I said I'd do anything for you I meant fight bad guys or slay dragons...not vacuum or do the dishes.
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Magic Mike...50 Shades of Grey...I knew I should have bought stock in Duracell this year.
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The difference between fetish and felony is googling ahead of time.
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Remember the participation trophies kids? They grew up and are burning our cities, tearing statues, offended over everything.
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Sometimes I stay awake at night wondering… How long did it take Cinderella and the Prince to realize you can’t base a relationship on shoe size.
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General Public: We can't pay rent or the mortgage. Media: LOOK!! The orange haired guy said CHINESE VIRUS again!!
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It's almost impossible to find a good cream pie recipe on the internet that doesn't involve getting naked first.
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Bought a new trampoline and took me 2 hrs to set it up. All the wife could say afterwards was "uhm...where's our bed?" That's gratitude for ya!
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Since the medica frowns on using the term "Chinese virus" or "Kung Flu", please use the following instead: Wuhan Weezer, Boomer Doomer, or the Holocough.
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My dentist said I needed a crown. I was like “I KNOW RIGHT??”
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I'm at that age where if I hear a strange noise downstairs I'm too lazy to go investigate it and just think "Well I had a good run".
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My potatoes bring all the Irish to the yard and they're like, that famine was hard.
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Went for a romantic walk in the woods last night. Well, I called it romantic. She called it stalking.
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It's Valentine's Day so I'm spending time with my true love...yes I'm in the garage.
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I always thought laughter was the best medicine...which is probably why so many of my patients died and I bombed out of med school.
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Feeling cute...might buy a goalie mask and go camping later...I dunno. #FridayThe13th.
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I think I'm going to change my kids' middle names to "DANGER" just so they can tell people Danger is their middle name...YEAH BABY!!
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