@clarkysj Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon As the 13th miner was about to surface, the sky news presenter described Carlos Barrios as being single, is also a taxi driver and likes horse racing. It's a f-king rescue operation not blind date!
←Rate | 10-14-2010 06:43 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told my GF I was buying her some diamonds for her birthday. She said that nothing would please her more. So I got her nothing.
←Rate | 06-16-2012 08:28 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man who saved a 10 year old girl from being abducted claims to be an illegal immigrant. Great, now they're stealing Batman's job too.
←Rate | 01-21-2012 08:17 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yahoo News - "World's oldest man dies". Why does this keep happening?!
←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:23 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sexist jokes are wrong and people need to stop post...... Sorry, that was my girlfriend, I left my laptop in the kitchen again.
←Rate | 08-14-2011 07:39 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time I get something stuck in my throat, I just dislodge it by drinking a pint of lager. It's called the Heineken Manoeuvre.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 17:42 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend wrote on a balloon, “Will you propose to me?” - So I immediately popped the question.
←Rate | 12-06-2011 09:34 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend is still mad at me because I called her fat last month! Well, you know what they say... Elephants never forget.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 10:09 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why don't blind men skydive?...........Because it scares the sh*t out of the dog.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 06:35 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Security stopped me at the airport last night. He said, "Do you mind if we search your luggage?" I said, "It depends, what for?" He said, "Drugs." I said, "In that case, no."
←Rate | 04-22-2011 12:26 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've just had a tattoo done on my arse which says, "If you're reading this, we're in prison."
←Rate | 02-05-2011 12:15 by @clarkysj Comments (2)  

   messageicon Success at age: 2- Not pissing your pants 12-13- Having friends 16-17-Having sex 20-35 Making money 40-50-Making money 60-65-Having sex 70-75- Having friends 80-100 Not pissing your pants
←Rate | 03-17-2012 18:16 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've always had an over active imagination. Like one time I found myself drowning in an ocean made out of tango, it took me a while to work out it was just a fanta sea.
←Rate | 03-08-2011 09:36 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife has got a Licence To Kill. Or Driving Licence as she likes to calls it.
←Rate | 03-09-2011 06:02 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sky News - "Man Arrested On Suicide Bomb Charges" I know nothing about this case, but i'm fairly confident it wasn't him.
←Rate | 03-10-2011 20:00 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I knew this girl who wanted bigger boobs, but couldn't afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine!!! Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?
←Rate | 04-07-2011 08:38 by @clarkysj Comments (1)  

   messageicon Whoever said that laughter is the best medicine has obviously never had broken ribs.
←Rate | 01-28-2011 10:11 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tottenham's bids to sign David Beckham and Phil Neville failed after they missed the transfer deadline... By 7 years.
←Rate | 02-01-2011 07:37 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now listen carefully 007, This may look like a normal Blackberry. But it's one that actually works.
←Rate | 10-15-2011 12:54 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to the chemist and said, "I'd like some deodorant please." The woman said, "Is it the ball deodorant you want?" I said, "No, underarm."
←Rate | 02-05-2011 12:17 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

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