JOser Funny Status Messages

   Tiger Woods has had sex with more women than my girlfriend will even let me be Facebook friends with.

   My Girlfriend says I have a way with words..the WRONG way.

   shall not waste his days in trying to prolong them.

   Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line???

   I told you officer, I cut the a** out of the gorilla suit because they don't sell baboon costumes. No, I don't know who crapped on your car.

   I don't know how to tell my parents they're adopted.

   When a guy asks what you do for a living he'll probably walk away when you answer, "Y0ur m0m." But the look on his face is totally worth it.

   The guy driving in front of me is totally following me...

   Do I even want to know how one would contract herpes of the eye?

   I find my nose is always itchiest right before I scratch it.

   Cant believe why jews didn't come up with "my mind on my money and my money on my mind."

   The thing that makes learning how to use chopsticks so difficult is that the longer you don't know how, the soggier your cereal gets.

   Don't hate cuz I'm good; hate cuz you can't compete...

   thinks that the worst part about not being able to log into Facebook is not having a place to complain about not being able to get on Facebook.

   There's too much blood in my caffeine system...

   My pants are on the no-fly list.

   C.R.E.A.M. - Coffee Rules Everything Around Me

   Why are there so many words coming out of you in such a short period of time?

   Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

   A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a swimming pool...