JOser Funny Status Messages

   Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

   I need to throw that guy a "get a life" jacket...

   If the show is called America's Got Talent, how come Howie Mandel is hosting it?

   Sometimes people act like the US isn't the only country in the whole world.

   Some people's noses and feet are built backwards. Their feet smell and their noses run.

   How many crap loads are there in a sh*t ton again? cuz that's exactly how Cleveland feels like right now...

   I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted...

   Frankly, 'm surprised BP hasn't called Tiger Woods, given his expertise in filling golf holes

   I'm on the best diet ever. It's called the "I'm too hungover to eat" diet.

   in a constant state of Omphaloskepsis (look it up).

   When caught with weed, never assume anything but the position...

   The truth shall set ye free. But lying shall get ye a bunch of free sh*t.

   Did I ever tell you about my roofer who came down with shingles?

   I once went 4 days with out a cell phone. So ya, Third World Countries, I get it now.

   Biggest trade to date: Lakers to trade Jack Nicholson

   I've created a Facebook group called "Threesome" and invited two girls. Now just waiting and see what happens..

   found out they sell Universal Remotes at Wal*Mart... I cant believe power like that is available to just anyone! Crazy!

   Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

   You know it's a bad traffic jam when people start are sitting on top of their cars..

   I'm guessing God had to change his password when the Mayan hacked his account and found out about 2012.