JOser Funny Status Messages

   It is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." I'm talking to you Twi-hards & Beliebers.

   Let's just call the iPhone what it really is: The Toilet Book Pro

   I know what Cinco de Mayo is, I just don't know when it is.

   found out that it's easier to get forgiveness than permission...

   Dear Physics, I don't want to solve your problems. I have my own thanks

   rejects your reality and substitute my own.

   If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

   First, Alaska brought us Sarah Palin. Now, "smoked salmon flavored vodka." Can we get a restraining order against them?

   I would consider becoming Catholic if they made Batman Pope.

   Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

   Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear...

   Support your local record store today, because you can't roll a joint on a download b*tches.

   The good news is, we destroyed the Ring. The bad news is, we disrupted a hemisphere's worth of air travel and two dozen national economies... our badd...

   I'm so confused, I thought the Crip Walk was a marathon for gang members

   always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

   I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.

   Sorry dude. My girlfriend and I had a meeting and we've decided I don't want to hang out with you anymore.

   just saw a commercial for the Hogwarts place at universal... so down to take shrooms and go, who's down?

   When the forecast mentions isolated thunderstorms, I always think, "Why so emo, thunderstorm?"

   Even if you preface it with "I think strippers smell nice", saying "You smell like a stripper" has a way of being misconstrued.