JOser Funny Status Messages

   Who's the genius that gave the police sirens?

   put the bom in the bom sha-bom bom, but lays no claim to the ram in the ramalama ding dong.

   I'd consider being a farmer. As long as I could live on the Pepperidge Farm, and raise Milanos.

   What kind of troopers does the Empire use when it's nice out?

   Try to keep your mind out of the gutter. Your body, too.

   Everybody hates me because I'm so universally well-liked...

   today I : 1. asked old people for directions and deliberately walked the opposite way... 2. asked very obese people which gym they used...

   If you get mad at someone and push them down the stairs make sure it's the DOWN escalator...or you'll be there all day.

   ME: So you're a drug dealer, huh? HER: It's called a pharmacist. ME: Oh, I get it. It's like how you can't say "bong" in a head shop, right?

   The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.

   all for the paperless office, but doesn't think it should stretch to the toilets...

   Hearses are so depressing. I'd like my casket transported via segway.

   I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code

   I'd rather be late in this world than early in the next.

   today is 4-20! ...like I had to tell you... sit back .relax. and show some love :)

   My neighbor just got one of those expensive new invisible fences. What a dumb@ss, I can still see him.

   hold tight to your most precious joys; make memories, laugh a lot, love more, give & accept lots of hugs because it could all be gone in the blink of an eye

   went to Barnes & Noble and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose...

   Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt... hehehe suckers!!!

   Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk.