JOser Funny Status Messages

   Hating is the sincerest form of flattery...

   Traffic lights are society's way of mocking the colorblind.

   Sunburn is only a laughing matter when it happens to someone else.

   Many personality flaws are now treatable mental illnesses... My insurance denied me coverage, apparently being an @sshole is a preexisting condition.

   I'd still be extremely impressed with a one trick pony if the trick were juggling.

   Monday morning is the time we go through photos from the weekend and figure out what the hell happened. I swear that goat said he had ID.

   I'm starting to get a bit worried that Canada isn't going to win the World Cup this year.

   Customs: "Do you have anything to declare?" Me: "I declare a thumb war?" Customs: "Security!" Me: "I mean rum! Lots and lots of rum!"

   I honestly don't care if you think I'm crazy. You're just a figment of my imagination anyway. Coffee:

   Behind every great man is a ninja. And behind that ninja is another ninja.

   If you don't like me remember it's mind over matter; I don't mind and you don't matter.

   It's so hot in here Nelly and his crew just showed up.

   My lack of understanding does not compensate for your intelligence. Wait, what?

   It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.

   Just once I'd like to attend a formal state function and hear the butler at the top of the stairs announce Lady and Sir Mixalot.

   If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming...

   I'm never getting married. After learning another Bachelorette couple has split, I simply don't know what love is anymore.

   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

   The attack on the Pope was really his own fault. After all he was wearing Axe Body Spray.

   I should really turn my cell phone's voice recognition dialing off. I accidentally called Jesus Christ 24 times today. He's getting pissed...