KISSTOPHER Funny Status Messages

   You're sexy, but not "I don't care if you have horrible grammar" sexy.

   Love is that gun we all use to commit suicide.

   My wife said that I set up the baby monitor wrong. Apparently it's not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby's ankle.

   The couple that laughs together, stays together. If that's not a pro-weed slogan then nothing is.

   Oh, you like camping? I like drinking outside too.

   Last night I tried talking to the moon pretending it was you. And just like you, it maintained a distance and didn't reply. :(

   Some people pride themselves on their hard work. I pride myself on doing so little and yet keeping my job.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.

   Of all the people I don't love, I don't love you the most.

   If you're crazy and you know it, shake your meds.

   I guess some people are the salt of the earth and others are the wounds.

   I makes me sad to think that drug dealers know better math than I do.

   A pizza is a pie chart that shows you exactly how pizza you have eaten and how much is left.

   I’m totally gonna ask this lady breast feeding her baby, for a little squirt for my coffee.

   Forget the wild animals, aliens, ghosts, snakes or spiders; the greatest danger to a human being is another human being.

   Loneliness can make you do some strange people.

   Just once I would like to be summoned by a king, or a wizard, instead of the courts.

   In life its only a thief who genuinely wishes you to prosper and succeed.

   Some people are in a long distance relationship with common sense.

   Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn't see himself in a mirror.