Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.

   If you're not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you're probably boring.

   It's cool how Bruce Lee studied philosophy & poetry then applied it to something beautiful like punching people in the face.

   Dear New Year New Me People; You don't have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.

   Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.

   My Crocs say I'm always down for a good time but my fanny pack lets you know I'm prepared for anything.

   I just cleaned my house by turning off the lights.

   I have decided to host the Oscars

   Only resort to violence if necessary like if a coworker says "another day in paradise".

   All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don't subject an innocent cat to a life with you.

   Men are born with a gene that allows them to know what the hell is going on in movies.

   You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it.

   Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes

   I find it funny how people throw around inspirational stuff like ‘live your life to the fullest’ after they've spent the entire day on Facebook.

   Your Facebook posts are like your children. Some go on to become successful and others make you look stupid.

   Objects in the selfie are way sadder than they appear.

   I miss the good old days before social media when adults acted like four year olds in private.

   I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.

   I'm "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.

   Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.