@clarkysj Funny Status Messages
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Me and my girlfriend are having a communication problem. Every time I ring, her husband answers the phone.
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01-03-2011 13:35 by @clarkysj
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My mate rang me and asked, "What're you doing at the moment?" I said, "Probably failing my driving test."
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09-10-2011 06:04 by @clarkysj
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I just bumped into my sexy neighbour. She said, "Hows the little one, getting big I expect?" I said, "Yep, it must be the f-kin tight tops you wear!".
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12-19-2010 17:45 by @clarkysj
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I phoned up a big company today to complain. I said, "Can I speak to the Chairman please?" The snooty woman on the phone replied, "Actually it's ChairWOMAN." I said, "Oh, okay, in that case can I speak to the Vice Chairman please?"
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04-21-2011 10:38 by @clarkysj
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can't believe no-one has come up with a cure for anorexia yet. Surely it must be a piece of cake...
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10-27-2010 14:29 by @clarkysj
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BBC News: Lady Gaga drops Facebook for charity. She should also think about dropping her knickers - for clarity.
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11-29-2010 13:15 by @clarkysj
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When I was younger I always felt like I was a boy trapped in a woman's body. However, that changed when I was born.
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10-15-2010 06:16 by @clarkysj
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You think you've got problems? I dropped my cocaine in the snow this morning.
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12-21-2010 07:09 by @clarkysj
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What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat? A dandy lion! (I'm here all day)
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04-08-2011 11:42 by @clarkysj
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Women drivers! I was behind one on my way home from work and she indicated to turn left and what does she go and do? She actually turns left! How am I supposed to prepare myself with these f-kin mind games?!
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02-17-2011 06:08 by @clarkysj
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Kate Middleton asks the Queen the secret of a successful marriage. The Queen says, "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off."
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01-12-2011 05:02 by @clarkysj
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I've started a new exercise regime. Every morning, before I get out of bed, I do one sit-up.
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01-20-2011 05:41 by @clarkysj
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Sky News: Police to use Plastic Bullets. Fu*k me, the Recession has hit us harder than I thought.
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08-10-2011 15:20 by @clarkysj
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I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but this is the fifth end of the world I've survived.
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05-22-2011 07:22 by @clarkysj
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Found my wife's vibrator the other day. Now I'm not saying it was big but I'm seriously thinking about entering it in Robot Wars.
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01-18-2012 11:44 by @clarkysj
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Ovens are a lot like sex. Women want them preheated first - Men just shove it in and don't care.
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04-23-2011 08:28 by @clarkysj
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Every Sunday is like an episode of CSI... I have to figure out where I was, what I did, and who I did!
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03-18-2012 11:12 by @clarkysj
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I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
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02-04-2011 13:18 by @clarkysj
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I just heard the local priest singing a bit of "Nuns N' Moses".... "Take me down to the Vatican City where the mass is keen and the boys are pretty."
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02-04-2011 04:08 by @clarkysj
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Upon receiving my new Thai Bride, I was appalled by the warning that came with the instructions: - "This product may contain nuts"
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08-25-2011 15:41 by @clarkysj
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