Eddy Funny Status Messages

   people talk about working on their "summer body" but I've been working on my winter body for years

   people who work at Amazon fulfillment centers should put their job status as "professional boxer"

   every toddler is just a mini version of Jack Skellington... "what's this, what's this"

   my dr says to eat a piece of meat no bigger than the palm of my hand...good thing the Big Mac is stacked

   If you puncture a hole in a garbage bag in order to roll down your window, you might be a redneck

   I collect memes like kids collect Pokemon cards. any good memes you want to trade?

   first we need a "space force" then later on, there isn't alien activity at area 51

   someone needs to make a cereal that's in the shape of little cows...when you add the milk, you're milking the cows

   if you have to use a snapchat filter for over half of your Facebook pictures, you know you're ugly

   spoiler alert...tonight HBO dies

   I need a meeting with Zuckerberg cause I don't get enough "likes"

   transparent- noun, when your child is transgender, you are their transparent

   I have a friend who can tap dance backwards. His name is Pat

   insider trading tip...tomorrow's Energizer & Duracell stocks go down some

   happy vALONEtine's day to the single people

   some days you're the statue, some days you're the pigeon

   someone from Egypt sent me an e-mail asking me to wire them money. I think it was a pyramid scheme

   am I watching The Weather Channel or Game of Thrones? it looks like winter is coming

   I still don't know why Microsoft put a talking paper clip in Microsoft Office instead of a talking ink pen they could call your "pen pal"

   my New Year's resolution is to exercise (my right to be lazy)