Dylan Bosch Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Dear CocaCola, McDonalds, and other massive companies, unless you have a new product for me, stop showing me commercials. I didn't forget about you. I have never stood at a vending machine and thought, what's that thing in the red can? I promise."
←Rate | 07-01-2011 11:06 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these people? Why don't they put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while delivering the mail?"
←Rate | 06-07-2011 11:35 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dad once told me that, by definition, a leader is someone who has followers, and the more followers, the greater the leader. I think that was true right up until the advent of Twitter."
←Rate | 06-07-2011 11:32 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon During a particularly rough storm the other night, local weatherman advised getting into your bathtub, covering yourself with a heavy blanket and wearing a bicycle helmet. I am ONLY watching that channel's news from now on..."
←Rate | 06-07-2011 11:31 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember when I was younger "Friday the 13th" used to make me think about Jason movies. Now all I can think about is "Do the bars have any specials today?"
←Rate | 05-13-2011 11:42 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bleah and Latex Gloves: $10.. Plastic wrap, trash bags and duct tape: $20...Chainsaw: $200 The horrified look on the cashiers face: PRICELESS!"
←Rate | 05-13-2011 11:30 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some 12 year old called my house at 2:45 this morning to ask if I ordered Indian food. I said, "Are you serious? I ordered that 8 hours ago!" He stuttered, apologized, and hung up! Prank Call Reversal!
←Rate | 05-13-2011 11:25 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme."
←Rate | 05-12-2011 13:11 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!"
←Rate | 05-12-2011 12:14 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everytime I drink I break my "No" button. Yes, I want another drink. Yes, you can take me home. Yes, I'm sure I can drive. Yes, I will dance on the bar."
←Rate | 05-12-2011 12:11 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you drank too much last night when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator."
←Rate | 05-12-2011 12:07 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon I gotta get outta this funk, I've somehow lost my spunk. I'm not cheery, or happy, and I hate feeling crappy. Perhaps I should just get drunk!"
←Rate | 05-12-2011 12:05 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon decided that I am not an alcoholic...I am an extreme social partier with a drinking habit...I say habit because a problem is something you want to fix!"
←Rate | 05-12-2011 11:59 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you're parents accuse you of lying to them, just look them in the eye and say; SANTA CLAUSE! EASTER BUNNY! TOOTH FAIRY!"
←Rate | 05-11-2011 23:31 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon The next time you're in Walmart, hide in a clothes rack and when someone is looking through the clothes come out and say "WELCOME TO NARNIA" :)
←Rate | 05-11-2011 23:27 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mess with me, I'll fight back. Mess with my friends, I'll hurt you. Mess with ones I love, and they'll never be able to identify you."
←Rate | 05-11-2011 23:19 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...remember when we were YOUNG and couldn't wait to grow up? ...WOW, what the hell were we thinking!?!?"
←Rate | 05-11-2011 23:14 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just remember, everything happens for a reason. So when I smack you upside the head, remember... I had a reason!"
←Rate | 05-11-2011 23:10 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you guys really my friends or are you just my facebook friends?"
←Rate | 05-11-2011 20:41 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a wireless mouse makes it way too tempting to throw it across the room when my computer gives me trouble."
←Rate | 05-11-2011 20:25 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  




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