M.A.C. Funny Status Messages

   If after sex, you have said, “you couldn't imagine me being someone else either eh?”….seek help….

   I've come to realize that there is not much difference between paying for an evening out, and just leaving the money on the nightstand...unless you're hungry of course...

   sometimes I whistle while I work....but most of the time I facebook...

   Dear Oil Companies…at least have the common courtesy to offer a reach around when I pump…Fu@k You Very Much…

   sometimes I stare at a woman and wonder, "what would it take to stub her camel toe..."

   Kudos on the shaved balls, but try longer gym shorts next time….

   just realized how valuable photoshop can be...when you need to pin something on your boss...like a donkey…for blackmail…

   I'd like you more if facebook didn't update me on all your stupid thoughts……I said to myself….

   Anyone else think Charlie Sheen snorted the fine line between recreational use and addiction?

   Jesus take the wheel...I'm tired...and I want to finish that dream you had issues with....

   speedwalks everywhere, and is afraid of toilets…the two are not related...really...

   will you be my 'open the door, take off my clothes, help me to bed, and scooch the trashcan close' ...friend?

   just had to separate 5 loads of laundry....and they will just have to sit there and think about what they've done....then and only then will I deal with them....

   when work feels overwhelming, I just reassure myself that I will die someday....

   you ever have a conversation with someone and think...If only your family tree had a few more branches, this conversation wouldn't be so painful...

   Ambiguity Awareness….It's not what you think….

   my manly shoulders will be here for you to cry on, as soon as your husband admit's he's gay....

   My neighbors keep listening to the same song over and over again…..whether they like it or not…..

   I want to wish all the women out there a Happy International Woman's Day!! I plan on celebrating it by giving money to Charity...and Candy...and Mercedes...and the other one usually on stage 4...

   I'd be more willing to join Farmville if they let me grow weed, and sell it to Mafia Wars...