jdpower Funny Status Messages

   Amy Winehouse says her body has been through so much she probably can't get pregnant. Darwin wins again.

   Sony announces it will no longer make Walkman cassette players. In other news, Sony was still making Walkman cassette players?

   I blame Survivor for my inability to put out a tiki torch without saying, "the tribe has spoken."

   There was a piece of cake in the fridge with a 'Don't eat me' note on it. Now there's an empty plate with a 'I don't take orders from cake' note on it.

   I propose we plug the Gulf oil leak with BP executives.

   I'm fairly sure "PIMPIN LIKE BUBBA GUMP GOES SHRIMPIN" is the worst text I've ever sent.

   Was just at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.

   I wanted to buy a keepsake to remind me of the great food this Thanksgiving, but I think this new chin will suffice.

   I'm thinking comic-con might be the place to look for Bin Laden this week. Easy to find 72 virgins there...

   Twice already today I have warned my co-workers that I was on the verge of going "JetBlue flight attendant." It's the new "going postal."

   I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow..

   "Thor" is the #1 movie -- proving there's nothing Americans love watching more than an immigrant who's good with a hammer.

   Had a great massage the other day, but I think I confused my masseuse by asking her for an "ambiguous, european-cinema-style ending."

   I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

   Wow, Paul McCartney got married again?! Really seems like this relationship has legs.

   New season of Jersey Shore to film in Italy.. To maintain balance in the universe, Italy will send 8 citizens to Fazoli's

   So, I guess the FDA has approved the "week-after" pill - the perfect remedy for those not so skilled at time/pants management...

   if court experience is a must for Obama's Supreme Court selection... I say go with Charlie Sheen

   Dead fish washed onto "Jersey Shore" cast's beach. The slimy, oft-horizontal twitching creatures say they feel bad for the fish....

   The unemployment numbers are twice as bad if you count people who describe themselves as "bloggers."