Tim Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon shocked by the attempted plane bombing. After all those emails about lotteries and wealthy strangers who want to transfer hundreds of thousands to my account, he thought we could trust the Nigerians.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 00:30 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon heard some folks trying to change the name of Killer Whale to something less threatening. Sea World, Killer Whale was quoted as saying, "I'm back baby!"
←Rate | 02-27-2010 08:42 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon has a thing going with X's wife. Wait... all this third person stuff has X and me confused!
←Rate | 02-28-2010 22:29 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Beyonce, Rihanna and Katy Perry sent prayers to the victims of the Oklahoma tornados. I feel like an idiot now, I only sent money.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 13:13 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't think both of the Dr.'s hands belong on my shoulders during the prostate exam.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 12:09 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishes my lawn was suicidal, then maybe it would cut itself!
←Rate | 10-07-2009 10:34 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a little kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:38 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks his facebook has been hacked! I'm going to change my password to: titus_b12bomberraid.. That oughta do the trick!
←Rate | 05-06-2010 19:54 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't believe "meat curtain" is an appropriate reference for a woaman's parts. But he has to admit, an Arby's "Big Montana" bears a striking resembelance.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 09:51 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon living each day as if it were his last: The cashier at Krispy Kreame knows him by name.
←Rate | 02-28-2010 19:00 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your as useless as a snow blower in August!!
←Rate | 08-18-2012 12:07 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's on my mind? Let's peer inside and listen... "Meow, meow, meow, meow..." Wow! That was akward. 
←Rate | 12-10-2009 08:15 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ultimate D**k move would be Bill Gates buying all the possible mega million combos. Theres only 176 million of them and he'd double his money unless there were other winners.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 21:02 by tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've seen squirrels having seizures with more brains than you
←Rate | 08-18-2012 12:22 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I go out and dig a hole in the back yard in the middle of the night just to freak out the neighbors.
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:38 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon living each day as if it were his last: That Korean massage parlor is on to him though. They stopped giving him dying-day happy-ending discounts.
←Rate | 02-28-2010 19:02 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon I measure my life in WTF's-Per-Hour. I'll probably get a speeding ticket here shortly.
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:32 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon OCD's Anonymous meeting at my place. Anyone who feels compelled to clean up, go for it.
←Rate | 04-04-2010 10:06 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Eating at KFC makes me feel sluggish, a little slow, and my eyes are droopy. I think it might be Double Down syndrome.
←Rate | 04-26-2010 12:22 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever a bird poops on my car I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I'm capable of.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:22 by Tim Comments (0)  

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