John Y Funny Status Messages

   I prefer my water to be frozen into cubes and completely surrounded by vodka and tonic...

   If you hold up a Shell and listen, you should hear the clerk tell you that he doesn't want any trouble.

   St. Patrick's Day Tip: Remember to switch your regular toilet paper roll out with a green roll tonight...You'll thank me tomorrow.

   You can think before you speak if you want to. I prefer to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

   I drink a shot of whiskey a day as a toast to the great life I've lived. I finish the bottle for other reasons.

   Facebook: Where others entertain you with their boredom.

   Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine's day. Just an FYI.

   Don't eat the green snow!!!

   Nothing sums up the proud Mexican spirit on their Independence Day like drunk college girls in sombreros screaming for more Patron!

   I was beginning to wonder if the winter's directly before a presidential election year were all warmer than usual due these lie spuing politicians and the amount of hot air hey were expelling.

   Yes a few rounds being dumped into your back is above and beyond excessive force. And murder. But once again, it's very simple, if you comply, you don't die... Pants Up Don't Loot!!!

   Take it easy this Black Friday, (try not to trample anyone to death) because it isn't supposed to look like a riot you idiots... Shop online like a real modern American!

   I'm looking for any of you who may have a Selfie Stick. Please let me know if you have one, I'm asking so I know who to delete.

   The FBI interviewed the Orlando Shooter 3 times. Just an FYI to you killary supporters that think she's so great.

   Great news everyone...According to this pregnancy test I'm just fat!

   I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a selfie, especially a bathroom mirror selfie... Seriously stop it, you're embarrassing yourself!

   I'm thankful that everyone has finally shut up about this Ebola hysteria to let us all celebrate Thanksgiving.

   How was the peaceful protest at Berkeley last night? Did they quitely sing kumbaya?

   So let me get this straight...The new twenty dollar bill is going to feature Harriet Tubman using the men's room at a target?

   Now that the 4th of July has come and gone, who's Right's, Belief's, or Heritage should we isht on this week?