@clarkysj Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Me and my girlfriend are having a communication problem. Every time I ring, her husband answers the phone.
←Rate | 01-03-2011 13:35 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mate rang me and asked, "What're you doing at the moment?" I said, "Probably failing my driving test."
←Rate | 09-10-2011 06:04 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just bumped into my sexy neighbour. She said, "Hows the little one, getting big I expect?" I said, "Yep, it must be the f-kin tight tops you wear!".
←Rate | 12-19-2010 17:45 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I phoned up a big company today to complain. I said, "Can I speak to the Chairman please?" The snooty woman on the phone replied, "Actually it's ChairWOMAN." I said, "Oh, okay, in that case can I speak to the Vice Chairman please?"
←Rate | 04-21-2011 10:38 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon can't believe no-one has come up with a cure for anorexia yet. Surely it must be a piece of cake...
←Rate | 10-27-2010 14:29 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon BBC News: Lady Gaga drops Facebook for charity. She should also think about dropping her knickers - for clarity.
←Rate | 11-29-2010 13:15 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was younger I always felt like I was a boy trapped in a woman's body. However, that changed when I was born.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 06:16 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon You think you've got problems? I dropped my cocaine in the snow this morning.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 07:09 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat? A dandy lion! (I'm here all day)
←Rate | 04-08-2011 11:42 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women drivers! I was behind one on my way home from work and she indicated to turn left and what does she go and do? She actually turns left! How am I supposed to prepare myself with these f-kin mind games?!
←Rate | 02-17-2011 06:08 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kate Middleton asks the Queen the secret of a successful marriage. The Queen says, "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off."
←Rate | 01-12-2011 05:02 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've started a new exercise regime. Every morning, before I get out of bed, I do one sit-up.
←Rate | 01-20-2011 05:41 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sky News: Police to use Plastic Bullets. Fu*k me, the Recession has hit us harder than I thought.
←Rate | 08-10-2011 15:20 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but this is the fifth end of the world I've survived.
←Rate | 05-22-2011 07:22 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Found my wife's vibrator the other day. Now I'm not saying it was big but I'm seriously thinking about entering it in Robot Wars.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 11:44 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ovens are a lot like sex. Women want them preheated first - Men just shove it in and don't care.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 08:28 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every Sunday is like an episode of CSI... I have to figure out where I was, what I did, and who I did!
←Rate | 03-18-2012 11:12 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 13:18 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just heard the local priest singing a bit of "Nuns N' Moses".... "Take me down to the Vatican City where the mass is keen and the boys are pretty."
←Rate | 02-04-2011 04:08 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Upon receiving my new Thai Bride, I was appalled by the warning that came with the instructions: - "This product may contain nuts"
←Rate | 08-25-2011 15:41 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

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