Funny Status Messages

   If you are late to special ed is it proper for the teacher to say that you are tardy?

   For fun, I cut out jack-o-lantern, put it on my head, and went into stores, asking if they sold pumpkin pie. When the startled employees said yes, I would leave the store yelling "Murderer's!" over and over again.

   old enought to know better...but young enough not to give a rats ass

   Well....looks like we got a "typical man" snow forecast....... they exaggerated about the inches and overestimated long it was going to last.

   I can't believe America has become Fascist Country.

   Everytime this post is liked, the writer of this post gets kicked in the genitals.

   Tubman to be on the $20, there is your reparations, now shut up.

   Hillary is outraged that Republicans have started shooting potential Democrat voters at zoos

   Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are getting a divorce. I guess what rhymes with hug me is alimony

   The quickest way to a man's heart is to saw through the thoracic cage of ribs and sternum, and then penetrate the pericardium

   Pro death penalty - If you don't value other people's lives, why the hell should they value yours?

   The worst thing about parallel parking are witnesses.

   If a clown farts, does it smell funny?

   While working at the Samaritans I got a call from a fella who said he was going to end it all. He was going to pour a gallon of gas over himself and light a match. I told him "Ahmed its times like these you need your family round you".

   Just took a photo of myself naked. A hundred 'likes' within the next hour, or I'll post it.

   If I hear one more foreigner accusing us of having a "culture of violence" I'm gonna blow their brains out.

   Why is everyone making a big deal out of the lance armstrong thing. It's not like he cheated at a sport or something jeez...

   Does P.Diddy get upset every time he goes to Wendy's and orders the Biggie fries?

   I have a button on my microwave that says stop time. I assume its for the timer but I don't touch it just in case.

   If you invite me for dinner and serve ground turkey tacos,, you may as well turn on some Nickleback and wizz in my Fresca too........