JOser Funny Status Messages

   "Hangover" makes it sounds like it's all done now. I'd like to propose the term "hanghappening".

   Can someone please check on Cleveland? I'm concerned because they've been in the bathroom a long time.

   These lemons are half empty.

   Parents inThis Economy is soo bad... Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

   I'm not having a kid until they come with built-in mute buttons.

   My favorite meetings are the ones about the important deadline for work I could be done with if I wasn't in a meeting.

   Ask your doctor if being a doctor is right for him. Everything isn't about you.

   Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

   Back before clocks and calendars I bet people used wonder why one day out of seven always sucked

   What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

   I saw a PETA add with several attractive women saying “I'd rather go naked than wear fur”. Please, no one tell them there's a third option.

   I ate too much comfort food and now I'm a bean bag chair.

   Eating kidney beans is a very small step towards cannibalism...

   Ummmm, got drunk and tried to adopt a kid again...

   Looked over and saw a giant frickin' spider crawling on my shoulder, so if anyone needs me I'll be over here NEVER SLEEPING EVER AGAIN EVER.

   Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they're not passing you some fake sh it.

   I can never remember whether or not I'm supposed to mess with Texas.

   Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?

   thinks copy & paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy & paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy & paste is the greatest...

   No one likes a smartass. Especially another smartass. Unless they have their own TV show, then they're a comic genius.