Funny Status Messages

   relationship status will changed from "married" to " It's complicated " about once a month.. I love my wife....

   I feel like X and Z are the cool letters sitting in the back of the alphabet, only showing up in words they like.

   The first time I got drunk, I threw up in a neighbor's silverware drawer. I just closed it and never looked back.

   she should win a prize for making it through the whole week without stabbing someone with a fork!

   Sweet and sour chicken; how can it be both? Come on...let's get real, China.

   IF I cared, I'd draw you a map of your ass with an X marking the spot where your head is buried."

   It's 11/1/11 11:11:11 P.M.

   My other facebook wall has a scenic view.

   Don't you hate when people know your are lying, and they know that you know that they know you are lying, but still nobody says anything......lol so #awkward

   why is it when there is a 50-50 chance of doing something right, 90% of the time you do it wrong

   I am relaxed and its FREAKNG me out !!!!!!

   So a whale killed it's trainer? Sounds like... an orca-strated murder.

   I use Facebook for the people I know. I use Twitter for the people I wish I knew.

   wondering if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?

   So where did they get the flux capaciter for the hot tub anyways?

   I had to take my paycheck to the bank. It was too little to go all by itself.

   uh oh... it's Saturday night and I just saw the little devil from my left shoulder drop kick the little angel off my right shoulder a minute ago...this can't be good...

   That McRib is McNasty

   Just my luck...I got bit by a retroactive spider instead of a radioactive one! Now I'm making tie dye webs in shapes of pot leaves.

   thinks it's tricky when you're ignoring someone and they ask you if you're ignoring them.