Funny Status Messages

   Women are strange creatures. My wife just told me that I needed to do some soul searching…..... so I Googled James Brown.

   Breaking news: Mail order brides from China are now up to 75% off!

   April Fools Day is a good day to confess your love to your crush. That way you can save face and say "April Fools!" if they reject you.

   I've got 2 tickets to paradise and it's closed due to Covid. FML

   Quaker Oats is retiring Aunt Jemima products after 130 years on the market due to an outcry of racism. Next up: The removal of Pillsbury mascot Poppin' Fresh, due to numerous complaints from short, chubby white guys.

   Went to Walmart today & y'all should've seen all the commotion. Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth, and Uncle Ben were protesting, Texas Pete and Capt. Morgan were getting drunk, Little Debbie was working the corner, and Jimmy Dean was showing everybody his sa

   please don't follow in my footsteps coz I walk into walls

   Saying that athiests can't say "OMG" because they're godless is like saying theists can't say "common sense" because they lack it.

   discovered today that when a police officer says, "Ma'am, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?", you should never respond with "Officer, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

   Boob is the perfect word cux it shows you what it means. Top view -> B ... Front view -> oo ... Side view -> b.

   Why does Stevie Wonder love seeded hamburger rolls? Because of the jokes written on top.

   I met a Spanish man with a Rubber toe......his name was Roberto

   thinks the only thing worse than having to listen to Donald Trump is having to admit he's right! RIP Kate Steinle

   Breaking News: Tiger Woods withdraws from the masters after the first hole. At a news conference he claims he dropped out because he's a one hole man now......

   Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and now Amy Winehouse, all died at 27. So only 10 more years of Justin Bieber

   Law of Reverse Dynamics: When a man becomes rich, he becomes naughty When a woman becomes naughty, she becomes rich.

   I'm seriously as bored as a vegetarian gay guy at hooters!

   DIET= Do I Eat That...

   I hate married people who act single.

   Sometimes my LOL just means, Lack-Of-Laughter