StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   Just brushing my teeth & putting on deodorant when out of nowhere I hear, "You're going to have to pay for that!" This Wal-Mart sucks.

   I'm sorry for doing a slow clap after you told me your boyfriend broke up with you

   When I get mad at my parents I dont slam the door or yell "I HATE YOU!" I just go in my room and rapidly flick the light switch. Yeeaah raise the light bill : D

   If the sea was weed and I was I a duck, I'd swim my way down and smoke my way up...buy the seas not weed and I'm not a duck so pass me that bong and STFU

   Some souls are consumed with what grows in the garden of others and then wonder, why their own does not flourish.

   I was watching a movie with my son last night when a sex scene came on. "Alright Mathew, it's about time you went to bed," I said. "But Dad, I'm 18," he protested. "I don't care," I said. "You're not watching me wank."

   I'm sorry. I didn't hear a word you said because you are an adult with braces.

   I'm planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn't my first choice but my doctor told me I can't have any biologically.

   I heard it's pretty hard to get a medical marijuana card. I'll be right back, I'm gonna go jump off my roof!

   It takes many nails to build a crib, but just one screw to fill it.

   . Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. ; )

   There is a thin line between love and hate. It starts about halfway through the joint.

   I should be in Top Chef the way I Wake N Bake!

   I think someone may be sending me death threats. Woke up this morning with a Tesco burger on my pillow.

   170.6 Adam and Eve: The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

   Most nights at 2am I think of where I will be in ten, fifteen, twenty years. Other nights at 2am I wonder if I'll even make it that far.

   If you cant live without me, then why aren't you dead yet?

   There are teenagers having unprotected sex, but have cases on their cell phones. Just let that sink in for a moment...

   Before we had Facebook, we had actual friends.

   You can tell my girlfriend's really Japanese because her genitals produce a forcefield that pixelates the air around them