JOser Funny Status Messages

   A friend in Arizona was about to roll a joint but was busted because he didn't have any papers

   "It's time to take back our country!" Fine. Just return it to your nearest Indian casino.

   going to keep his Facebook account but delete his real life...

   I am anxious about how much Xanax I'm taking.

   My new hobby is intentionally putting myself into awkward situations

   I wonder if cows refer to their sons as cowboys.

   I took my dog for a walk and played Frisbee with him, but he was useless. I really need to get a flatter dog.

   I am not a control freak. I prefer the term "predictability enthusiast".

   I can't help but notice the majority of People Magazine's "Never Before Seen Photos" are photos I have no desire to see at all..

   I just responded to a text message someone sent me a year ago with, "yeah, sounds good. Let's do that."

   Just remember, no matter where you go, there you are. --

   Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

   Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

   finally figured out what mosquitoes are for. They're God's way of making us slap ourselves.

   If you're one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you... dumn*ss...

   I can't hear you over the sound of how Epic I am.

   If food at McDonald's looked anything like on the commercials, McDonald's customers would look even less like the people on the commercials.

   I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

   Saw the mystery machine from Scooby Doo driving on the highway. Is this real life?

   Justin Bieber should be treated like AM radio and nobody should ever listen to them...