Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

   Ladies; don’t get mad when guys stare at your boobs because there is going to be a time in the future when no guy will want to look at your boobs after time has had its way with them and they now look like raisins.

   Your first mistake was leaving me. Your second mistake was thinking I would die without you.

   Officer, I'm not Fred Flintstone, I didn't "run" a red light, I drove through it.

   I got on Facebook to look up long lost friends. It's true what they say, that it's best to let sleeping dogs lie

   Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian might be the first time in history that the roles have been reversed and a ball player has trapped a hoe.

   The only way that I would ever be able to wake up on time in the morning is if I had a butler who set my comforter on fire every morning.

   If 10 minutes after sex, the man is not hungry and the woman is not passed out, temporarily paralyzed, then somebody didn't do their job right.

   You may be worthless to one person, but priceless to another. You just have to be smart enough to differentiate between the two.

   Cashier: Sir, this is the 5th movie ticket you have bought tonight. Customer: Well yeah, the a$$hole at the entrance keeps ripping it.

   I believe in the sun even when it's night time, I believe in love even when I am yet to find it, I believe in God even when he is yet to answer my prayers, I believe in heaven even when I have been to hell and back.

   Don't stare at me. Because then I have to stare back at you and, why make me suffer?

   It's probably tough being black these days, having to memorize all those handshakes

   That a wkward m oment when you realize the last stair you thought was there isn't.

   The opposite of Viagr a is marriage!

   The best way to tell if you just got your ass kicked and lost the fight? The cops run to him and the paramedics run to you.

   Its not me, its you. I just don't think it's going to work between us. You're boring, tasteless, and I can't stop cheating on you. I know you're my right choice, but we can't continue! TO: DIET FROM: ME

   A silly woman will look at what a man drives. A wise woman will look at what drives the Man.

   Marriage is like prison except the food is better and your cellmate never changes.

   Before I post a joke on twitter I tell it to my windmill... He is a HUGE fan.

   I'm not sure how many contact lenses I put in the same eye this morning, but I can see Saturn's rings from here.