Funny Status Messages

   Someone said I met Jim Beam last night but I don't recall.

   Why do they put slow cashiers on the speedy checkouts?

   I hate it when at the drive thru they give you 2 packs of sauce sauce for a 10 nuggets, but 2 packs of ketchup for a large fry! WTF?!

   having a "Who the hell is Mel Kiper? My mailman knows more about the draft than he does." moment !

   going to make an app called Stephville that way people can gift me items that I need around the house.

   Good thing I never got my zodiac sign tattooed.

   almost drowned in the shower yesterday, so today I have my life jacket and the voices and I have rehearsed what to do in case of an emergency

   [ ] single [ ] taken [x] dating imaginary person, that's perfect for me

   Am online on facebook only in morning, afternoon, evening and night.. otherwise am busy in study.

   i was sick of partying and thought i'll take a break for few days but this Osama just gave me a reason to party again.. tonight i'll have Osama Shots

   may not be the best, but I'm the best I've ever seen

   Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody else is reading it?

   if you let one of those dancing roadside Statues of Liberty do your taxes... your refund will be a hammer and a bag of tangerines.

   After everything I've been through.... This can't possibly be "as real as it gets"!

   i dont care how much ice cream you have your not gonna put that banana there.

   An apple a day keeps everyone away, if you can only throw it hard enough.

   Psychiatric labels are nice way of sugar coating the fact that some people are just plain a$$holes.

   It's hard to bury the past when you keep digging up old memories.

   I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.

   I'm so ugly, when I play Mortal Combat, Scorpion tells me "Stay Over There!".