StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   What are nudes? Someone show me.

   I don't exercise to be healthy. I exercise to look sexy af naked!

   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

   A man's a woman's best friend.He'll never let her down,comfort her after a bad day,inspire her to do what she never thought she could.He'll enable her to express her deepest emotions, & enable her to be confident & sexy. Wait it's wine that does that, n

   lways be yourself, unless you're that guy. Don't be that guy.

   Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That's what going back to an ex is like.

   When I was born, I was given a choice - A big d*ck or a good memory.. I don't remember what I chose.

   My daughter has just taken two black guys up to her bedroom to study together. From the sounds of it they're getting every revision question right.

   All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don't get into relationships.

   Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet? Step the fu*k up

   Holy shit, I just found out time travel is possible. You can go to 2004 by just following this link: www.myspace.com

   I don't hate you! I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank...

   That chick has been passed around more than blame.

   Man found hanged in his flat, 8 years after committing suicide. Sort of proves his point, really

   When a woman says "He used me for sex". It really means 'I only shagged him to get something else out of him, but it failed'.

   I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it though.

   I used to work in a factory crushing cans. I hated it! It was soda pressing.

   Just bought a Hyundai but it's sonota big deal.

   I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.

   Bud light? No thanks. I'd rather light bud.