Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Free weed > free drinks

   I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!

   I just saw a donkey use the zebra crossing to cross the road. What a smart ass!

   Be the change you wish the homeless people didn't know you had

   Unless the only drama in this relationship is just us out of alcohol, I am indifferent to it.

   Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?

   For you to insult me, I first have to acknowledge your existence.

   There’s good sex, then there’s no-hole-left-untouched sex.

   All these years I thought cuddling meant holding her head while she bows you.

   Laziness is a dish best served delivered.

   I always confuse dessert and desert and I think I might've just buried a hooker in a lemon meringue pie.

   showering together is cute until you realise women are trying to be 3rd degree burn patients and you’re just trying to get clean.

   I just started a club for people who hate people. I’m the only member. No you can’t join because I hate you.

   My New Years resolution is to be more active. Sexually.

   You sure have a lot of rules for someone who doesn’t care.

   Loving someone who doesn’t love you back isn’t as bad as trying to eat something immediately after brushing your teeth.

   Avoiding responsibility one bottle of vodka at a time.

   Single women wearing matching bra and panties; I am sure the inside of your clothes really appreciate it.

   I just sneezed alcohol onto a candle and started a fire.

   cutting the fat off bacon is like cutting the bacon off bacon