Funny Status Messages

   I'm thinking about going out tonight, because after all, the Beastie Boys DID fight for my right to party....

   Get over here! --------------⇀ ➣➣➣➣ (O_O)

   And remember kids it's very dangerous to drive with a flat. But that chipotle was well worth it :)

   RIP the great #NelsonMandela. Morgan Freeman played you in a film & now you will meet God. Also played by Morgan Freeman.

   How is Hillary's head? Not as good as Monica's

   To be honest, I really don't give a damn. I lose friends, I make friends, and I make enemies everyday. Regardless, I'm still going to be me.

   I'm going to start a non-profit organization to promote the legalization of weed. It will be called the March of Dimebags.

   I wish I could have a lazy Sunday but my to-do list is longer than Aaron Hernandez's rap sheet...

   Anthony Weiner is still sexting... really, who cares??? However, if my last name were weiner and I had a son, I totally would have named him "Gigantic"

   Found a bear in my garbage. Why would someone throw out a perfectly good bear?

   The worst part about being alone is I don't have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge

   You wanna know whats more expensive then Milk and Gas.....Ink! Instead of buying ink for my wireless printer, I mightest well buy a new printer at the rate these prices are going!

   This bottle of vodka doesn’t have a suggested serving size printed on the label, so I’m just gonna assume its just one serving.

   I think KFC should expand their menu to include a 30 piece bucket of original recipe/ extra crispy skin.

   I would hold your baby, but I'm grossed out because I know where it came from.

   I wonder if correcting someone's spelling ever got anyone laid?

   I'm turning my clock back to 1978...

   I'll bet it would be excruciating to listen to Foghorn Leghorn sing a cover version of Jackson/McCartney's "Say Say Say."

   wondering if running late counts as exercise?

   "Angry bowel Syndrome" May not be the MOST prevailent disease to get celebrity attention and special ribbon,,, But it is pushing to be #2