Funny Status Messages

   wonders what would happen if he was scared half to death....twice??

   blames it on the alcohol.

   Tiger Woods is officially black. His wife busted out his car windows with a golf club @ 3 am , & he clammed up when questioned by the police. Welcome back Tiger

   Someone please tell Barack I'm BAROKE.

   Once upon a time, GIRLS used to cook like their mothers,but now they drink like their damn Fathers...!!!

   •I have an amazing ability! I find objects just before people lose them. The police, however, call it theft.

   You would think old people would drive a lil faster...I mean its not like they have alot of time to waste..Right?

   "If you carry a gun, people will call you paranoid.. That's ridiculous. If you have a gun, what in the hell do you have to be paranoid for?"

   You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfich, I'm the god of flakes.

   My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him

   I see they have blocked the Internet in Egypt. No more online pyramid schemes then?

   The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

   thinks Diarrhea would be a beautiful name, if it didn't mean diarrhea.

   I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.

   It's so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

   was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For f***s sake, keep it down!".

   Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me ;-)

   Does anyone else see the irony that the game "Monopoly" is made by one company?

   dressing up as antoine dodson for halloween. hide yo kids hide yo wife...

   nicotine patches are great !! stick one of each eye and you cant find your cigarettes..