Funny Status Messages
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My favoritte thing that the caption of my high school varsity football team ever said to me was, "Would you like paper or plastic?" 
High heels are sexy, but only if you don't walk in them like you are a newborn foal.
turning on Airplane mode on his iPhone but can't figure out why it still won't fly!
i think pitbulls are mean because theyre mad that minorities keep buying them
#OscarsGoWhite??? More N igs just crying b/c they want something they don't deserve. What BS!
Between Gaay Pride and Juneteenth, I say we eliminate this month altogether.
Phil Robertson should totally hook up with Paula Deen. 2 Evils come together
Black mothers be like "your dad was on that Malaysia flight."
I masturbate so much that when a woman tries to give me a hand job my d ick yells "stranger danger!"
wants to Google her Myspace while she Twitters my Yahoo.
I only have sex on days that begin with "T". Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday and Thunday.
"Yes, black guys. We feel you." - fat white girls
kids that stutter can blame their moms for using a vibrator while they were pregnant
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down… You have my word
My gf says her doctor said no sex for 2 weeks ..ahh oh k but what your dentist say..!
♫♫♫ If.. yourrrr happy and you know it share you meds. (clap, clap) If your happy and you know it share you meds. (clap, clap) If your happy and you know it then a pi$$ test will clearly show it. If your happy and you know it share you meds. ♫♫â
Every other countries policy: you don't work, you don't eat! USA policy: you work, you don't eat!
WARNING: if you see posts offering free clip of the new Nickelback album DO NOT CLICK. It links to a free clip of the new Nickelback album.
How much for the frog? No, that one.... No, THAT one. Goddammit, how much for the frog, that one with the tail?... Well excuse me! How much for the lizard then
why test on animals when we have pedofiles in prison. 