JOser Funny Status Messages

   Attention all joined-at-the-hip couples: "Inseparable" and "Insufferable" sound alike for a reason.

   would explain my awesomeness to you, but your brain would just explode...

   Conserve water on earth day, drink more beer....

   If i'm ever sleeping and a bunch of Zs start coming out of my head, please call a doctor.

   When they tell you not to mix chemicals they're f*cking serious. On a related note: high as f*ck and my house might explode...

   Do they call him Prime Minister because you can't divide him up into multiple smaller ministers?

   Apparently when the interviewer asks if you speak any other languages, the appropriate response is NOT "Innuendo" followed by a saucy wink.

   You think not drinking sucks? Try being the only sober guy in a 3am game of Texas Hold 'Em!

   Its been a business doing pleasure with you...

   I saw a sign that said "DRINK CANADA DRY" so I moved to Toronto.

   I've just drank Gatorade.. still waiting to sweat colors...

   Urban Commandment: Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

   When I was a kid, Cheerios only came in one flavor.

   A psychiatrist is a highly paid baggage handler.

   Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids...

   I have mosquito bites on my feet and I'm thinking the knee is probably the easiest point of amputation.

   How is lindsay lohan ever gonna find a good woman when she is jail? wait....... this might just work out.

   The guy driving in front of me is totally following me

   Sex is a lot like air..You don't realize how bad you need it until you don't have it.

   Nothing makes me feel more American than the fact that my button has just popped off of my pants.