Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

   "It's not what it looks like!" - said when something is exactly what it looks like

   At least he died doing what he loved: texting while driving.

   Do not put a party hat on a cat. They are seldom in a party mood.

   Why would you stay friends with your ex? When you get fired from a job, you don't stick around and watch other people do your job.

   A tip for you joggers out there: To run faster, make sure there is an attractive person in front of you at all times OR a creepy guy behind you.

   Blaming others for your misfortune can ruin your health -- which you'll probably just blame on somebody else too.

   I know a few women that would be considered very handsome if they were men.

   Masturbation is like math. You can always count on your fingers.

   men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from woman : a little bit support and a little bit of freedom

   Why is it that whenever I wish someone a happy birthday they always assume Facebook reminded me? Do you ever think maybe just maybe I care that much to remember the day you were born.

   We all suffer from a stroke at some point in our lives. Whether it be a stroke of bad luck, a blood clot, or a dry handjob.

   I shall open my own deli and my slogan will be: "No one beats my meat!"

   Karma is like 69: You get, what you give.

   A drunk person is just an awesome version of a sober person.

   Some people are in a long distance relationship with common sense.

   The day Rick Ross jumps into the crowd will be the day we find out who his LOYAL fans are.

   Male lions fight to impress the females. Bears do it, crocodiles do it and even men do it. Moral of the story: Females get you killed!!

   The sun rises with coffee and sets with whiskey.

   I alway realise that they're crazy way too late in the game.

   5 out of 3 people struggle with Maths.