JOser Funny Status Messages

   I heard that if you sneak into the new twilight movie and blast justin bieber, the combination impregnates everyone.

   Happiness is spelled C-A-S-H

   It rubs the iPad on its skin or else it gets the Kindle again.

   was thrown out of a casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table.

   Alcohol doesn't solve your problems…Neither does milk.

   Somebody make her a dude so I can punch her!!

   How can this census data be relevant when it doesn't ask whether I have a Palm Pre or an iPhone?

   BREAKING NBA NEWS: LeBron James has decided to go with Team Jacob

   Reminder: Buy low and sell high... Unless it's Pot... Then you're buying and selling high...

   A thousand words are worth a picture, and they load a heck of a lot faster.

   my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall

   I'm petitioning Crayola to replace the "burnt orange" crayon with "burnt snooki"

   Attn BP: When this is all over, will the Gulf of Mexico be regular, midgrade or premium?

   Just saw a girl in a regular wheelchair holding onto her boyfriend's motorized wheelchair. Dude, she's totally using you!!

   I used to live in a residential building until a few hookers moved in on the 3rd floor - now it's a commercial building...

   Leadership: The art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.

   Dear Life, You have some explaining to do...

   I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance mama...

   It feels good not to have any feelings.

   When filling out Hello My Name Is name tags, I always put a question mark after my name