Funny Status Messages
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Dear Every Rapper Alive, The same word used in consecutive sentences is not a rhyme, it is the same word used in consecutive sentences... Please Lil Wayne and Drake, work on that... thanks, Dave :-) 
That Wiener story just keeps getting bigger and bigger...
Dear women::: Would it kill you to have a beer and watch the game instead of nagging..!!!!!
Tequlia DOES make her clothes fall off! Okay, she passed out and somehow they "fell" off, but still.
I'm sorry I ran over your dog but in my defense I was texting! You're being awfully judgemental for someone who can't even see.
thanks to the economy, instead of USA its been renamed to IOUSA.
I am so hungry I can eat a horse and a small fries.
Not sure who swept New york faster.. The Hurricane or the tigers
B-E-F-O-R-E not b4. We speak English not fuc?ing bingo.
I just tried drinking orange juice with pulp in it and I finally understand why women don't like to swallow...
Remember, ladies...It's better to wake up with a mysterious gash on your finger than a mysterious finger in your gash.
If a girl is puking I will always hold her hair back. That way I can aim her head and use her as a vomit gun.
All of my Ex's nicknamed me Subway because I've got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches
I'm black but not "ain't nobody got time for that" black.
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
Italy seizes $30 million from the Vatican in probe. Nice to finally see the Catholic clergy on the receiving end of a probe.
Computer Geek's Pickup Line: Is your name Google? No. Why? Because you have everything I've been searching for!
A friend of mine inserted an wanted ad in the Craigslist: It said "Wife wanted". Next day he said that he received a hundred replies. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
in a relationship with the Craigslist Killer and it complicated!
Relationships are like farts, if you push to hard, things could get messy! 