StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   LeBron as good as Jordan?! Ha! Call me when LeBron saves the Looney Tunes from an alien race.

   Sometimes I think I should take the bus instead of drive because there aren't usually 11 hot Mexican chicks in my car... not usually

   Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.

   Never trust a girl who has her own face set as the background of her phone.

   Scooby Doo taught us that the real monsters are humans.

   If a thief ever broke into my home, I'd just pretend to be a thief too... We'll laugh & hug and then he'll leave because I was there first.

   Never punch a person with glasses, unless they're wearing just the frame with no lens. In that case punch the crap out of them.

   The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this "I know you're high" look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.

   Partying, YOLO. Forever alone, SOLO. Marco, POLO. Condom broke, OHNO. You like men, HOMO. B!tches be crazy, FOSHO. Run bro run!, POPO.

   My life is like a never-ending episode of The Walking Dead where nothing happens but somehow everything is f*cked.

   I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers

   If the way you talk to someone isn't the same as the way you talk about them, perhaps you should do neither

   Just put together some Ikea furniture without instructions and was able to build an extra table and two shelves with the parts I left out.

   Well, today I realized that boobytrap backwards is partyboob so nothing else is important anymore.

   Hey, I just met you and girl you look crazy. What brands your make up, Crayola maybe?

   Here's a joke about ebola, you probably won't get it though.

   Look, nobody can tell the sex of your baby, so please either pierce it's ears or draw a mustache on that ambiguous little mother f*cker

   If one door closes & another door opens, you're probably in prison.

   You know what's funny? Paintings of Adam & Eve where they both have belly buttons. Think about it, take all the time you need.

   It has been brought to my attention that the stick figures on soccer mom vans are actually NOT pedestrian "kill" scores and are actually meant to represent family members. I will remove mine immediately to avoid any further confusion.