Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   -Do you take drugs? -No. -Ever tried them? -Never. -You seem very nervous. -I'm just not used to being questioned by a unicorn.

   Kindness, compassion, open mindedness, and unconditional love. That's my religion.

   Scientists admit they don't know what Jellyfish are made of - "They don't even taste like jelly" said one piss soaked science dude.

   Just burnt my mouth on a slice of pizza and now I totally understand what betrayal feels like.

   “I've dissected our earlier conversation and I think I might be mad at you.” - WOMEN

   How are we supposed to cure cancer when we can't even find a cure for selfies?

   I don't think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.

   Being human is expensive and exhausting.

   Nicolas Cage must be hibernating. Thank god.

   If you love someone, set them free. If they don't come back, send them all their stuff they left at your place.

   Love isn't real until one of you is on meds.

   Stop, drop and roll won't work in hell.

   Ladies; you’re all crazy and men are idiots. You just need to find the idiot that matches your crazy.

   This vodka tastes like it needs more vodka.

   One of the worst things that can happen to you is closing a tab by mistake and you don't know which website was it on.

   Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.

   If you need me, I'd be surprised.

   A woman told me that I was right today. Did hell finally freeze over?

   Kanye looks lovingly at Kim... "Thank you for coming to my wedding."

   People that like to put their two cents in, make sure you have enough to spare first!