JOser Funny Status Messages

   Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

   iPhone 4: Loses bars when you hold it, gets lost in bars when you don't.

   I heard the CEO of AT&T got married recently. The service was great but the reception was terrible.

   A recent survey showed 65% of Americans can't name a single Supreme Court justice and that's sad because HELLO Judge Judy.

   Somebody slipped a hangover in my drink last night

   white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to f*ck cuz its not my time of month"

   When your favorite song comes on and you excitedly say "Yo this is my jam!" You should know, I die a little bit inside for knowing you.

   I tried to flash an oncoming driver to warn him of a cop but I think it was too dark for him to see my A**

   Neighbors have a leash on their tree, but they let the dog run free. Poor tree

   there are two types of people in this world, pizza roll people and bagel bites people

   I have to go to work after getting my braces tighten, so this will be a good test to see which is more enjoyable.

   an organ donor (see inside for details)...

   The sign outside the Burger King that says Now Hiring Closers is obviously spelled with a silent C.

   The cost of a stamp is going up 2 cents. I'll e-mail all my friends and let them know.

   Semi-colons don't get enough credit. They should be re-branded as super-commas...

   If crime doesn't pay... Does that mean my job is a crime?

   Dear Patron, now that you helped me gain my confidence, can you please help me find my car?

   I fight evil wherever it may be....except in dark scary places.

   The car stopped with a jerk. Then the jerk got out.

   I mix Corona with water and it gets me drunk... mixed Wine with water and it gets me drunk... I mix Tequila with water and gets me drunk again... therefore I've reached the conclusion that water is bad for me...