Joser Funny Status Messages

   Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

   iPhone 4: Loses bars when you hold it, gets lost in bars when you don't.

   I heard the CEO of AT&T got married recently. The service was great but the reception was terrible.

   A recent survey showed 65% of Americans can't name a single Supreme Court justice and that's sad because HELLO Judge Judy.

   Somebody slipped a hangover in my drink last night

   white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to f*ck cuz its not my time of month"

   When your favorite song comes on and you excitedly say "Yo this is my jam!" You should know, I die a little bit inside for knowing you.

   I tried to flash an oncoming driver to warn him of a cop but I think it was too dark for him to see my A**

   Neighbors have a leash on their tree, but they let the dog run free. Poor tree

   there are two types of people in this world, pizza roll people and bagel bites people

   an organ donor (see inside for details)...

   I have to go to work after getting my braces tighten, so this will be a good test to see which is more enjoyable.

   The sign outside the Burger King that says Now Hiring Closers is obviously spelled with a silent C.

   The cost of a stamp is going up 2 cents. I'll e-mail all my friends and let them know.

   Semi-colons don't get enough credit. They should be re-branded as super-commas...

   If crime doesn't pay... Does that mean my job is a crime?

   Dear Patron, now that you helped me gain my confidence, can you please help me find my car?

   I fight evil wherever it may be....except in dark scary places.

   The car stopped with a jerk. Then the jerk got out.

   I mix Corona with water and it gets me drunk... mixed Wine with water and it gets me drunk... I mix Tequila with water and gets me drunk again... therefore I've reached the conclusion that water is bad for me...