JOser Funny Status Messages
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I sympathize a lot with Darth Vader because he had so much trouble juggling career and family.
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05-14-2010 19:00 by Joser
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Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can't see that it says: "This one had insurance. Don't kill him."
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06-11-2010 18:09 by Joser
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If your relationship is so complicated that you have to identify it as such on Facebook, you should probably get the hell off Facebook and go fix it.
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06-30-2010 22:11 by Joser
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I'm super sick, and while I don't need anyone to nurse me back to health but I'd like someone to pick up my tissues and let me be mean to them..
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05-17-2010 09:52 by Joser
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I didn't call you crazy. All I said was, "you look like you might own 400 cats"
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07-05-2010 13:41 by Joser
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It is a universal truth that everything you do is at least 100 times louder when you're trying not to wake anyone up.
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04-27-2010 18:56 by Joser
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Actual Sign in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
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06-09-2010 17:52 by Joser
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As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way...
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05-03-2010 19:23 by Joser
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I think you misunderstood me. I said "go phuck yourself" with a PH. So, that makes it cool and not remotely offensive... Phucktard.
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05-25-2010 18:20 by Joser
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The best part of being a pedestrian is walking over the hood of the car of the person who stopped right in the middle of a crosswalk.
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07-13-2010 18:12 by Joser
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After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
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06-28-2010 21:20 by Joser
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My bank is the worst. They're charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can't even afford to be broke.
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05-24-2010 11:06 by Joser
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Nobody gets treated worse than a fast food worker who gets an order wrong.
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07-05-2010 13:36 by Joser
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The wedding card selection at this store blows. Lots of "Congrats" and "Best wishes" but no "I still question your sexuality" anywhere.
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07-12-2010 11:38 by Joser
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I think people would be less likely to piss me off if they knew how much I watch Forensic Files
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07-15-2010 19:18 by Joser
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Observation: Any story that ends with "Anyway, it was really funny" is not really funny.
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06-23-2010 18:29 by Joser
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Dear DNA experts, please come up with a small insect that is genetically designed to annoy flies. Maybe even a small insect that bites mosquitoes. Thanks
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06-26-2010 14:24 by Joser
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If you're OCD and you know it, wash your hands.
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07-12-2010 11:40 by Joser
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Why do people insist on speaking to me? It pretty much never goes well.
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05-10-2010 14:06 by Joser
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I truly wonder how much better life would be if people were required to fill out a CAPTCHA before breeding.
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06-01-2010 13:32 by Joser
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