Moon Funny Status Messages

   Believe in yourselves and follow your hearts and you could do and be anyone you want to be, except Keith Richards.

   Just got my first shot and going to get another one just as soon as I can get the waitresses attention.

   I may be ugly but I'm vaccinated!

   Cleaned all the spare change out of a old couch I'm about to throw out and think I found just enough to buy a new couch.

   Kit Kat is coming out with a vegan version of their bar and I imagine their theme song will be Break me off a piece of that veggie based bar.

   What's with all the hearts on Facebook?

   Did you hear about the new squirrel diet? It's just nuts.

   If you want to know why Paul McCartney never invited Ringo to dinner, he wouldn't share the drumsticks.

   "Your The Only One For Me" Valentine's Day cards on sale 2 for $5 just seems wrong, totally wrong.

   A clean house and finish projects is the sign of someone who hasn't looked at Facebook in a while.

   To all my secret admirers. With Valentine's Day just around the corner if you'd like some candy and flowers it's too expensive for you to reveal yourself now, but maybe next year!

   Hate how my automatic spell checker turns sentences like "I'd be happy to work for you" into "I'd be happy to twerk for you" which would be great if I was looking for a job as a Chippendale dancer.

   Her: What sign are you most attracted to? Me: The Dunkin Donuts sign.

   Before there was Facebook and Twitter there was "As World Turns" and "The Days of Our Lives" for cusip.

   So who's ready for the holiday for singles the day after Saint Valentine's Day! You know 50% off cake and candy day.

   Find the man strokes your hair and says how soft it is and doesn't care if it's on your legs.

   To all 6 of you who like the jokes I post, I do it all for you!

   Whoever said "Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today" knew how to log out of facebook.

   Whoever said "Rome wasn't built in a day" needed to log out of Facebook.

   Whenever I email a girl I like with my old flip phone I always make sure to finish it off by writing "Sent by IPhone 5G Mobile Device" so she thinks I'm hip.