Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon How about getting rid of that BS “do you miss me” ad you keep on this screen?
←Rate | 04-10-2021 19:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon can’t wait to put “fully vaccinated” on my dating profiles like an adoptable dog.
←Rate | 04-10-2021 12:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Got up early this morning, and fertilized the yard. My neighbor still won't look me in the eye.
←Rate | 04-10-2021 11:38 by Grumpy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Joe Biden smells like Bengay, and day old dookie.
←Rate | 04-10-2021 11:37 by Grumpy Comments (0)  

   messageicon They're called "Heated Seats" because "Rear Defroster" was already taken.
←Rate | 04-10-2021 09:03 by MM Comments (0)  

   messageicon OK. Who is the genius that decided to call it "emotional baggage" and not "griefcase"?
←Rate | 04-10-2021 07:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are they still bad habits if I like them?
←Rate | 04-10-2021 01:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In honor of DMX, I encourage everyone to bark loudly at a random stranger.
←Rate | 04-09-2021 21:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People complain that businesses used to be closed on Sundays. They're forgetting about the single biggest dishonest business of all time that was and is still open on Sundays: church.
←Rate | 04-09-2021 13:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know the Royal family said they would deal with the allegations of racism, but personally, I think this is a bit drastic.
←Rate | 04-09-2021 12:12 by LH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just occurred to me that because my BMI permits me to get the vaccine tomorrow, and because the vaccination will enable me to protect myself and others, my thick thighs will in fact save lives.
←Rate | 04-09-2021 11:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today's Jeopardy Category "Inspirational Presidential Quotes".. UGH..UGH.. YOU KNOW MAN...THE THING!
←Rate | 04-09-2021 10:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine and pso pfar pno pside effects.
←Rate | 04-09-2021 10:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife and I got really cheerful when John could conclude his survey from your ideas he made using your web page. It is now and again perplexing to simply happen to be making a gift of guidelines a number of people might have been selling. So we keep in
←Rate | 04-09-2021 09:07 by kyrie5spongebob Comments (0)  

   messageicon Prince Philip this.
←Rate | 04-09-2021 07:31 by Ms.Markle Comments (0)  

   messageicon im doing something rn
←Rate | 04-08-2021 14:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the economy is bad biscuit companies don't complain, they just remove one piece
←Rate | 04-08-2021 10:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the vaccine contains a chip, I hope it’s salt and vinegar.
←Rate | 04-08-2021 09:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only Marx I want to hear about is Groucho
←Rate | 04-08-2021 08:48 by Lonmo Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s just like my grandma used to tell me, never teach a monkey martial arts
←Rate | 04-08-2021 08:45 Comments (0)  

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