paulb808 Funny Status Messages

   accidentally turned off his facebook anti crap filter and was scared by the amount of quizzes, farm, fairyland, mafia and virtual f&cking cupcake crap you people post, if it wasn't for facebook purity I would delete alot of you

   If I had a nickel for every time I ignored your Facebook request I'd have enough to buy a real farm.

   Lady in labor, shouting the usual sh!t, “Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!” She turns to her boyfriend and says, “You did this to me, you f&cker!” He casually replies, “If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your a$$, but you said, ‘f&c

   My Dad is taking ownership of my phone for a day so if you could refrain from sending me texts like "F&ck me gently with a chainsaw"(2:30am) then that would be fantastic

   so turns out you CAN use lemon juice to get goats blood off of the curtains

   doesn't allow men to smoke in his room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want.

   thinks the bad thing about having kids is that they are ALL morning people.

   just wants someone to tell me how Facebook ends so I don't have finish all this reading.

   thinks that Operation "Gain As Much Weight As Humanly Possible While On Vacation" is right on schedule so far.

   likes to think that when I squish an ant, its final thought is, "Good. Being an ant blows."

   sometimes I think something and I'm like, "that would be a good Facebook Status update." This is not one of those.

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't spell.

   took some time off from Facebook and got a LOT of work done. Won't make that mistake again..

   could it be? Is that water you are walking on? Oh wait, that is just your sh!t hole, sorry about that... thought you were someone who could judge others..

   thinks that if plungers could talk, you wouldn't own one.

   so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

   I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

   I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great a$$ and a trust fund.

   just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."

   I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, sh!t on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me B!tch." I don't own a hamster.